I recently began working in a newly created position at the hospital where I am employed; this position was created to provide support for three different departments/areas of patient care, so I have three different groups of people to whom I answer.
One day last week, one of these folks walked up to my desk area and noticed that some mail she’d dropped in the “to be mailed” slot the day before was still there. She grabbed the pieces of mail and, in a huff, stated that she would “go ahead and take this downstairs because I reallyneeded for it to go out yesterday;” she then stood in front of me for a moment with a look that suggested she wanted some type of explanation, and then walked off with a loud sigh.
All of my life I have struggled with the feeling that I’m constantly coming up short. I’m not sure where this comes from, no doubt some deep, dark, ugly place, but I can remember distinct events during my childhood that have contributed to this issue.
I’ll never forget a high school track meet that took place on my home track; my dad volunteered to be a timekeeper, and stood on a platform with several other volunteers and a stopwatch. I was so excited that he would be present to see me run and, shortly after I crossed the finish line, he walked over to me with his stopwatch and said, “It would’ve been so great if you’d finished just a few seconds faster!”
I’ve made a lot of really poor decisions during my life, trying to combat this feeling of coming up short, and I’m so thankful that I’ve finally reached a point where it’s a little easier to handle. I’m not going to pretend that I didn’t flinch at the comment that was made about the mail, because I did; the difference for me now is that I have learned to take a moment and think about where that response is coming from instead of assuming that I am coming up short.
See, this woman brought the mail up to my office area after the mail had already gone out the day before; there is not a thing I can do to change that, so why take that on? I can’t; it is too much for me to handle, and I can’t do it anymore. People need to be responsible for their own actions and I need to give them that privilege, rather than try to take it away from them.
In turn, I have to take more responsibility for my own actions and my responses to others’ actions; I also have to remember that whatever I do today is good enough. My running is good enough, my appearance is good enough, my writing is good enough, my personality is good enough; I am good enough. So take that, silly office lady! And take your mail with you, too…
Have you ever felt like you were coming up short? How did you handle it?
Reposted with Permission from Running N Reading