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friend 1: i got promoted friend 2: i got engaged  friend 3: i'm pregnant!  ME: y'all wanna see my splits
The competitive runner in me died  in March
Me trying to explain how I got into running: "I was initially planning on  being a casual fan, but then I thought, why not just let it consume my soul instead"
Me stepping out the door,  ready to burn 240 calories  after consuming 12,700  over the weekend
"your password is weak" lmao wait till you see my last week's mileage
Day 1 of hill repeats was actually just me fighting for my life
Me: *signs up for an ultra* Friend: you know you'll DNF, you  haven't trained for it  Me: it's an ultra, you  get credit for trying
Just checked my average running  pace       that shit said LMAO:00
Just finished the 2020 Boston marathon Where's my Oscar for acting like everything is fine
"you're up early" bold of you to  assume i've slept
Me reminding everyone that I don’t  do hills or heat.
Me: *stretches once* well that didn't work.
I high-five tree branches on my running path imagining it's a crowd cheering me on. It works.
ULTRARUNNING. Because 26.2 is for wimps. In real  sports, you go until your organs start shutting down
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