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My body has absorbed so much  sanitizer that when I pee, it cleans the toilet
Pretty wild how we used to eat cake  after someone had blown on it... Good times.
"No mask on your face          You big disgrace      Spreading your germs          All over the place!"
Joggers bounce up and down at  red lights. Runners just stand there,  looking pissed
Friendly reminder: getting in shape is hard, being in shape is awesome.  Commit to it.
Therapist: and what do you say to the  people who unfollow you cause you post only about running? Me: stay mad hoe Therapist: actually yes lmfao
Me: *rests for twenty seconds*  No one:  Literally no one:  My Garmin: MOVE!!
No suicidal shit but I think I'm ready  for a runcation
I guess the lockdown is over. May the  best immune system win.
me: I'll run 5 today  Garmin: 5.12 miles  me: wow looks like I gotta run 6 now
I wish everything was as easy as  getting fat
"Strava, because I'm worth it!"
Do you know what 50 Cent did when  he got hungry?  58.  Please don't delete me.
If you love someone, let them go.  If they come back with running shoes,  it was meant to be
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