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Why does the need to pee intensify by a MILLION after you start a race??
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals... You're everything I ever wanted in a running friend.
"Clear your mind" "Ooooommmmmmm" "Arghh, my feet will never be attractive...."
You share your deepest, darkest secrets with your running partners... And then barely recognize them face to face in street clothes.
Tangerines are oranges that didn't want it bad enough. DON'T BE A TANGERINE!!!
One day I will solve my problems with maturity. But until then, it will be with caffeine, wine and a shitload of miles!
So if I go running on weekdays just to burn enough calories to make up for my drinking on weekends, does that make me a runner or an alcoholic?
Raise your hand if u ran a little harder today because you were thinking about everything you ate over the weekend.
Pretty sure I gain 3-40 pounds every weekend. Calories after a race or long run don't count right?
Ok it's been 12 years now... I'm starting to think I'm not bloated.
Every time I go for a midday run in the park on my day off, I see an unexpectedly large number of people doing the same thing, and immediately start wondering what the f*ck all these people do for a living.
Difficulty sitting on a toilet? Dread even the sight of stairs? Difficulty getting out of bed? Difficulty walking? DIAGNOSIS: ran a marathon!
For runners, Sunday is a day of rest... The rest of the laundry, the rest of the house work and the rest of all the other stuff we can't be bothered to do during weekdays.
When people ask me what I do for fun... STRUGGLE.
During sex you burn as many calories as running for 5 miles. "Who the f@#k runs five miles in 30 seconds??"
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