Why does it take two weeks to take off three pounds and only two days to gain 'em back?
eBib text : Why does it take two weeks to take off three pounds and only two days to gain 'em back?
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No one: Me tasting my own food: "Bro you've outdone yourself this time"
Government: "Only go outside for emergencies" People's emergencies: "I wanted donuts"
After seeing how the public panics over Coronavirus, I can see why the government would never tell us about "them Aliens"
Me posting nonsense will continue during lockdown because it's an Essential Service
I share shit about sex way too much for someone who's only getting f*cked by running injuries
Remember you are someone's reason to smile. Because your marathon PR is a joke
We're officially changing the term from "side boy" to "non-essential dick"
Me: My Insta crush liked my photo Friend: How'd you meet him? Me: Through a mutual virtual race account
MY THERAPIST: It seems like you fall in love too easily ME: What babe?
Pro tip: Be so fast that everyone forgets that you are ugly
I need hugs.... When this is over I'm gonna hug every motherfucker I see
Good morning inmates
Trying to decide if I should run my feelings today or eat them
Dear ”endurance boys”... if you having sex & she wide awake after, idk what you thought you did but you didn't
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